Michael’s in Rocky River…still makes breakfast

17973606_10155043308264927_654311557920823581_oSometimes the headline is witty, humorous, or even scathing to make a point and draw the attention of the reader.  Sometimes, it just is what it is.  Yep, Michael’s in River still makes breakfast.  I think there is a saying that about why certain places serve breakfast all day, and that is because you really can’t fuck up eggs.  I haven’t been to Michael’s in years.  It used to be the spot after the bars would close that was cheap and open.  It doesn’t take many requirements to be an after hours eatery.  Hell, look at the Big Egg.  That place is disgusting head to toe.  Just be open and have food, preferably breakfast food.

Michael’s stopped the 24 hour thing a long time back and now keep pretty normal hours. I am sure it is hard to staff a 24 hour place of that size, and who wants the headaches of the late night drunk crowd.  Those waitresses should have gotten hazard pay for all those years working the graveyard shift to unruly, puking drunk patrons.  I was one of them.  Multiple times.  I don’t think I was every puke drunk, but I was pretty far gone on more than a couple of occasions.

Back in the day we would order all kinds of breakfast and whatever they could throw into a fryer that came with a side of ranch dressing.  If they fried a shoe, and served it was ranch one of us would have eaten it.  Back in the 90’s the Detroit area of Lakewood was the place to go out and booze it up.  Kennilworth, West end Tavern, and a slew of other bars I can’t even remember the names of is where we would start the night but it would always end up at Michael’s.

There are three things I remember about those 2am visits.  Man, was this the best food in the world, they make the best coffee ever and wow these bathrooms are gross.  You’ll have that at 2am.   It’s all about what mama said about nothing good happening after midnight.  It’s an illusion.  It’s the drunk in you saying these things because the reality of it all is this really is just breakfast food, and you truly can’t fuck up eggs.

I can’t remember the last time I was wowed by breakfast.  Brunch, yeah, I had some great brunch in my time but breakfast will always just be breakfast.  Michael’s kept the standards, and added a little more to the menu.  They have a few different kinds of omelettes, french toast, pancakes, and some variations of the classic Eggs Benedict.  My wife had the Mexican omelette (throw cheese, some form of meat, tomatoes, onions, green peppers in eggs, and Ole you got your Mexican omelette).  I decided to go with the POTATO PANCAKE BENEDICT Canadian bacon, poached eggs & Hollandaise sauce on a potato pancake.

It came with a fruit salad (straight from the can in syrup), some lettuce and tomato garnish on the side.  Two potato pancakes which were not very pancake-esque, more like crab cake puffy with a couple poached eggs on top and the sauce.  The sauce, can make or break a Benedict and theirs is weird.  It wasn’t terrible, but it wasn’t hollandaise that I have come to know.  It was kind of mustardy.  I had my wife taste and she said it tasted like tartar sauce.  Regardless…it wasn’t what I was expecting and it was like $11 or something.  It was not filling, and I got a side of home fries on the side, that lacked any flavor besides the salt I put on them.  They were unevenly cooked, sliced potatoes, and some where outright burnt.

So, in summary, some parts of life should remain a memory.  It was just so so at best and a little on the pricey side for breakfast.  I am still waiting to be wowed by breakfast.  It didn’t happen today.  Sorry Big Mike.

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