The Yelp Plan: as seen in the Cleveland Scene

SummerCoverRoundup (1)Imitation is indeed a form of flattery but I thought I would get like a month in before the Cleveland Scene would start outright pilfering my ideas.  I thought a great twist on my articles on local establishments would be complemented at the end by weird or outright bad Yelp reviews to either refute or substantiate the armchair reviewers synopsis of their overall experience.  Yelp is Yelp.  It is what it is.  It’s a bunch of people that like to bitch about shit when they have been wronged in their own minds.  The negative reviews in Yelp are usually pretty amazing.  If they had a “Best of Yelp” like a “Best of Craigslist” I’d read it nonstop.  These people are amazing.  Casual chain restaurant diners that pretend to know what they are talking about and in the process causing brand damage for local small businesses.  Fuck it, read Trattner’s article, it sums it up pretty well.

You know they say great minds think alike but when it is something so random it makes you scratch your head and say, “Seriously, what the fuck?”.  So, Trattner, fucking amazing Cleveland writer, love the guy, seriously, but he comes up with the same exactly shtick 2 weeks after I started doing my thing?  It’s just weird to me.  Totally coincidental or outright piracy?   The last time this happened was with a PD food writer and it was about the Westside Market.  People were saying I was stealing the PD’s shit, but the dates didn’t jive.  I had beat this person to the punch by a week at least.  So here I was defending myself by saying, look at the facts, the dates and people were saying I just changed my post dates.  I am not savvy enough for that nor do I want to copy off that Olive Garden-esque handjob writing style to begin with.  You know the type?  Everything is wonderful, everything is perfect.  Yeah it rarely is.

woman-calls-out-bodega-cat-in-yelp-review-internet-owns-her-8-photos-2Anyhow back to Trattner.  I seriously want to believe this is just a super coincidence.  Again, I think he is brilliant as fuck.  He’s on the fringe, a wildcard.  He’s a guy you don’t know what he is going to say good or bad, and I like that.  He takes major heat for it too from time to time.  His honesty is almost as beautiful as his alliteration.  Plus he knows his stuff.  I will get ideas on places I want to try out based on his reviews.  They are that spot on.  He’s trustworthy.  However at the end of the day I always liked starting shit with Scene.  It’s my thing.  I get in fights nonstop.  I fight with Chef’s.  I fight with venue owners.  I fight with the general public.  I have also been called on to help right the wrongs of other reviewers.  I’m like the cleaner from Pulp Fiction, call out Harvey Keitel we got a mess to clean up but can’t get our hands dirty in the process.  I am cool with that 100% and I am vicious like a Pit Bull with a bloody steak but even more relentless.  I lack any off button.  I have zero filter.  I’m not leaving until you are crying.

I don’t own the Yelp thing.  I understand that, but fuck give me like a month to play around with it before you go breaking my toys.

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